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A text comes through from the dude: I was getting hot and heavy with someone in a bathroom. It was so awkward. He assured me that nobody could see anything and kind of made me keep going, which was awfully rude, but, whatever. A little back story:

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She said it turned her on beyond belief.

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I ran downstairs and told them my friend had gone home. It was mortifying to realize every person I managed to avoid all year knew just what I sounded like while doing the nasty. But, because some higher power has it out for me, a car with flashing red and blue lights pulled up riiiight next to us. My boyfriend was dead sober. But it can definitely feel like that if basically alllllll of pop culture is anything to believe. So, into the backseat of my week-old car and had our way together.

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